Never give up
When I was growing up, I shared a love of basketball with my dad. He coached some of my teams, and we enjoyed going to local games together and watching them on tv. One day when we were watching a game, a segment about Jim Valvano aired. He was a famous college coach who was battling cancer, and he inspired sports fans everywhere with a speech about never giving up. My dad is far from sappy, but for whatever reason on that day, he turned to me and asked: “Did you see that, Amy? Never give up; don’t EVER give up.”
It was one of those little moments in life that stick with you forever.
A year later, in 1994, my dad was in his own fight for life. He briefly died from a massive heart attack but was revived. Too much damage had been done, though, and the hospital doctor told him to go home to die.
He was weak and mostly bedridden, but he was determined. Day after day, he willed himself to get better. He exceeded his doctor’s prediction, and just kept going.
Don’t give up; don’t ever give up.
**
When our dog Vida joined our family after spending the first eight years of her life in a puppy mill, she was terrified. Everything was new and scary for her – especially people, who in her previous experience were only cruel. She spent her first weeks hiding in a fort we built her in our living room. From her safe spot, she observed us, and began to absorb what her new life would be like.
My parents came over to meet her, but Vida was too scared to greet them. They sensed her fear, so instead of pushing her outside of her comfort zone, my dad laid down on the floor near her, a difficult task for him. He wanted to show Vida that he was not a threat, and that, when she was ready, he’d really like to get to know her. Vida seemed to understand, and in time, she gave him a sniff, which was a high compliment. It was the beginning of a special bond.
**
Though his health was poor and he lacked physical strength, my dad was still alive seventeen years after his big heart attack, and became one of the earliest patients to receive a Left Ventricular Assist Device (LVAD). It improved his health dramatically and gave him a new lease on life – the miracle he’d fought so long for. Unfortunately, the device malfunctioned and had to be replaced. He survived another LVAD surgery, which is similar to a heart transplant, and recovered again. But when he developed problems with that device, too, the doctors were out of options.
**
Though she wasn’t able to receive affection in the same way other dogs do, Vida had her own ways of connecting with people, like standing near them and awaiting a short, gentle pet, or giving them a gentle smile.
Vida wasn’t like other dogs, but that was okay. My dad understood her, and, as time went on, he noticed her progress with the little things that are taken for granted with other dogs, like not flinching when a stranger approached or confidently accepting a treat. My dad loved how brave Vida was, and how she was constantly conquering her fears. “Did you see that?” he’d proudly say about her. “She is just incredible!”
**
It looked like my dad had very little time left to live. A heart transplant was the only thing that could save him, but due to various medical issues, he had less than a one percent chance of receiving a heart. Once again, he was faced with his own imminent death. But it’s not quite the way he saw it. “Someone has to make up that one percent,” he told me.
And then, a miracle happened. Thanks to an organ donor, a heart became available outside of our region, and my dad had the opportunity for a transplant. But consistent with his story, it wouldn’t be simple or easy. The transplantable heart was available only because numerous other surgeons had passed on it because it had a known defect.
It was his only chance.
The surgeon thought he would be able to repair the heart if my dad wanted to take the additional risk. He decided to go for it.
My family waited anxiously overnight as the medical team operated. Early in the morning, the team called up to the waiting room. The heart was in and beating. My dad had overcome steep odds once again.
**
Vida manifested her own list of miracles parallel to my dad’s. Though expected to be unadoptable, she gave herself a chance, and courageously overcame a long list of challenges. (You can read more about Vida’s life in her six-part series: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.)
Vida lived to age 19, leading an incredibly long and inspirational life. She starred in a television commercial about puppy mills, was featured in anti-cruelty ad campaigns, and became a beloved celebrity in our neighborhood. She taught people about cruelty and kindness and patience, about persistence, and about love.
As for my dad, his birthday is this week, and I’ll be making his favorite carrot cake to celebrate another trip around the sun.
In recent years, my dad has dealt with more health issues. He’s had more surgeries in his lifetime than anyone I’ve ever known, and he has endured enormous pain. But each time he fights and wills himself to recover.
**
“Did you see that, Amy? Don’t give up; don’t EVER give up.”
Yes, I’ve seen Coach Valvano’s words in action – from two of the strongest souls I’ll ever know.
Happy Birthday, Dad. Don’t ever give up.